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| So
it's been pretty long since i've last updated and I'm not gonna lie,
things have completely turned around since then and I'm really content
about how everything has turned out. Ever since Danny and I got back
together, I felt like the missing pieces in my life has fallen into
place. Most importantly, I feel like I have grown so much in the past
year and finally know what I want to do with my life. I've realized
that I'm not cut out to go to law school and become a lawyer as much as
my parents would like me to. I honestly have a good idea of what I
wanna do after I graduate and it seems very promising. I know as
tempting as it may be since I'm in college, drugs and alcohol are
things I cannot afford to take a chance with, just because I don't want
to let anyone down, especially myself. But as of now, I
wouldn't change a thing. I'm so in love. I hardly ever have any downs
anymore. Basically I live for myself and the people I love. Good shit.
=X
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| I really hate myself. I hate what I've become. I hate what I can't
change. I hate ruining things for other people. I hate letting myself
down in the end.
I don't have the capability to love someone else, if I can't even love myself.
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| Here I am, still thinking about you.
And there's nothing I can do about it except wonder if I've even
crossed your mind. I can't even look at your screen name without
wanting to talk to you, maybe ask how you are doing and let the
conversation cease after that brief moment. But this is what I wanted,
right? I didn't want you to be part of my life anymore, so this is what
I get.
I guess this is where I tell myself to toughen up and move on with my life. So much for my happy ending =/ ::sigh::
"But it's not so bad, you're only the best I've ever had..."
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| Everything
is caving in on me. All because I gave someone a second chance who I
thought deserved it, who I thought was completely different from
everyone else and could prove to be so much more than the last
impression he made on me. And because of my misconception, I'm sitting
here baffled, I don't comprehend what went wrong or maybe what I did
wrong or what I didn't do that somehow destroyed something that I held
so high. And it makes me think that maybe I should've left when I had
the chance. This should have been over and done with months ago. NO ONE
SHOULD EVER FUCKING HURT LIKE THIS. I wouldn't even wish anyone to feel
like this even if it was my worst enemy.
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| I think I'm finally done with xanga.
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